At the time I wasn’t thinking of publishing this, but as another new year rolls in it seems fitting to finally share it. This has been a year of raging ups and downs, but there’s one thing that has never faltered. So here it goes with all my love and gratitude darlin’ – We’re still standing!
On the first of January 2018, my husband and I first woke up together in our new house. We spent 7 hours moving for the second day in a row, yet continued to communicate with each other and find ways to show our appreciation for each other throughout the day.
I thought my day had ended abruptly, when just before 9pm I found myself crashing. I was frozen in the car, unable to move or speak. When I made it inside I collapsed into the closest chair; stuck in position, shielding my eyes from the light, sensitive to the lightest touch, and crying in pain.
My mind raced with stone cold fear as I realised that my worst nightmare, that I had dared to believe was over, was back.
Yet somehow I found the light, as my husband availed to bring me whatever he imagined I could need, even rearranging furniture to wheel me into another room. A small part of me had always been worried about what might happen if I truly got sick again, if I ended up back at the beginning, how would he react? As my new year began, I found my answer.
With my mind clear again, I pieced together the puzzle that had been broken for years, finding the words I had failed to speak. I finally found that I was able to be truly open and explain myself, finding recollections that I thought were long lost, and having realisations I never knew were in sight.
Could this new year finally be the time for me to honestly accept and understand my disability? Would I finally be able to move on knowing that my husband is by my side, even more supportive and reassuring then I could have hoped for?
As I sat pondering the new year and my new outlooks, things started to become bright. I was in control and had the power to help myself, and I could feel the love I had been shying away from.
I felt hopeful. I felt promise. And I saw my future as I wanted it to, and knew it could, be.